If you never lost another lb would you be unhappy with yourself for the rest of your life?

  After having a talk with hubby last night because he feels I'm becoming obsessed witht he number on the scale. he brought up a good point, he asked me if I never lost another lb would I live the rest of my life being unhappy. I couldn't answer that question, but it was sad to to think that I have lived my life up to now being so unhappy with myself. Ultimately I want to be happy and want to be able to do things with my kids and I already can do that so why am I still not happy with myself. Why is it so hard for me to like myself for who I am?

Unfortunatley, the part that Brian doesn't understand is as he says why can't I just eat healthy and exercise and not worry about anything else. he thinks I should take the month off from getting weighed. keep going to weight watchers but have them keep my book and not show me my weight for a month. I still don't know how I would feel about that.  but in the interest of saying that this really about the journey and not the destination maybe I do need to consider it.

this weeks weigh in

This week is a good example of the title of my blog.  In the past two weeks I have been trying really hard, exercising, going to karate class and following the weight watchers plan and I have gained almost 5lbs.  After sitting down with my leader she is encouraging me to eat more and also eat the points for the exercise that I do.  As a person who has dieted, well for a long time my philosophy has always been less is better.  Isn't that always what you hear?  you have to decrease your caloric intake for it to make a difference right? and now I'm being told to eat MORE.  To be completely honest I am frustrated, the feeling of now matter what I do isn't right is becoming overwhelming.  BUT the other day someone asked me why I keep going to weight watchers and why I haven't quit yet.  The answer came to me without hesitation, "because I'm not willing to give up on myself.  I need this and anything that is worth having is worth working for."
So there you have it.  I'm not going to give up, I will persevere.  Yes I can!

Setting goals

Tonight the last thing I wanted to do was exercise.  I had a headache all day and was just tired. However I decided to suck it up and just do it.  To keep it interesting I decided to put my ipod on shuffle and told myself that I had to run to the beat of each song no matter how fast it was.  I will admit there were a few songs that I though to myself "holy crap, why am I doing this?  If I slowed down right now no one would know."  but then I made the realization that the only person that I would be cheating was myself.  so pushed through and the feeling of accomplishment when I was done was awsome!!!!
So my challenge to you is make an attainable goal for yourself and push yourself to reach it.  You will be amazed at how great you feel when you reach it!

Alternate Beauty

I have been reading a book called Alternate Beauty.  The premis of the book is a young woman who is over weight working at plus size clothing store finds out that she may lose her job because she is "too" big.  After hearing this she goes home and before she falls asleep, she wishes that over weight people were considered beautiful. She wakes up the next day and realizes that she is in an alternate reality where the bigger you are the more beautiful you are and skinny people are considered ugly.  I don't want to ruin the book for anyone incase you want to read it, but what I have gotten out of it is that no matter your size, you are always going to have problems and issues to deal with.  It is how we deal with our problems that makes the difference.  However, we are more likely to be able to deal with problems that come our way more easily if we are already happy with ourselves.  Think about, if you are having a rotten day and something else bad happens aren't you more likely to blow up, "What else could go wrong today."  But if you are having a really good day and the same bad thing were to happen you would probably not be overly happy about it, but you probably wouldn't blow your stack. 
So think of it this way, if you are unhappy with yourself and constanly have negative thoughts going through your head, any time any little thing happens you are likely to  over react.  Not a very nice way to live is it?
     One important thing that I have learned is that without pain or disappointment we wouldn't realize how good great feels!  So the next time something bad happens just remember the next time something good happens it will seem even better.

The best me I can be

After stuggling for years, ok pretty much my whole life with self esteem issues and my weight, I have come to the conclusion that I'm putting so much energy into not liking myself that, that is what is holding me back.  I recently started Karate with my kids.  This is something I never would have had the courage to do in my adult life even a year ago.  I have recently lost about 25 lbs and I still have a lot more to go, and this summer, my weight loss has come to a complete hault.  not from lack of trying though.  Through all this I went through ups and downs, the "why me" the "i give up"  you know how it is, but I have decided to start looking at this differently.  I am healthier than I have been in a long time,  I'm doing things now that I would never have done and I'm finally starting to believe in myself again.  I can do this and I will do this.  I am going to become the best me that I can be. 
      This blog is going to serve as my journal, so feel free to follow along and leave me some positive comments, because we all know that we can all use some encouragement!